Where to begin? First off, let me caution you. Do NOT scroll down until you have read the text. The images below may be disturbing to some viewers. This includes children, janitors, socialites, germ-o-phobes, and anyone with eyeballs and noses.
I debated long and hard about whether to post this at all. I love my sweet baby, and wouldn’t want to embarrass her. I also wouldn’t want to ruin her chances of ever getting a job or having a boyfriend. I happen to know that the parents of a few studly baby boys read this blog, and I wouldn’t them to be forever horrified of the prospect of their precious baby coming anywhere near a little girl who is decidedly not a “delicate flower.”
So instead of telling you a story about Lily, I will tell you a fantastical tale of a fictional baby. We’ll call her Lila. See? It’s not Lily who was involved in what we shall call “The Incident.” It was some other girl called Lila. Lily would never do anything like this. She’s a little lady, through and through.
Now you may be thinking that what happened to day is some long dramatic saga that unfolded over the course of the day. You would be wrong. “The Incident” lasted approximately 3 seconds (although Lily Lila was clearly working on it for much longer than that). Therefore, I only have pictures of “The Aftermath” and not of the actual “Incident.” To suggest to you what the action portion of the “Incident” was like, I offer this photo:
Or this:
But minus the rainbow. Definitely minus the rainbow.
By now, I bet you think you have it figured out. “Oh, silly Kristin, you’re saying.” Especially you parents. You’re saying to yourself, “Boo hoo, poor Kristin got wet on. Nothing new to us parents…we’ve seen it all.”
Oh no, folks.
You are wrong.
Out of a desire to keep this as decent as possible given the circumstances, I will refrain from actually describing “The Incident,” as well as “The Aftermath.” They say a picture is worth 1,000 words, but I do want you to actually picture the force and drama that it would take to create such a scene. And picture my face.
I’m sure that was the best part.
EDIT: The gory details in the picture have now been replaced with happy, pink paint. See? Kids are fun, men! Click the picture if you have a strong stomach and want to see what mommies REALLY deal with...
Oh. And to clarify, she was laying down on the changing table (where the camera is) at the time of "The Incident." That's just under 5 feet from the swing, folks. 5 feet.
Posts
3 comments:
So sorry you had to go through that . . . cleaning up couldn't have been fun. Virginia had a similar incident when she was about 3 weeks old. She was on the changing table of the pack and play in the den. It mostly got on me, but if I hadn't been standing there, it would have been on the oriental rug, the television . . . you get the picture. Instead, my pajamas were a nice, mustard color. The crazy thing is that it was all over me, including in my hair, but not a single drop got on her. How do they do that?!?
I don't know, Whitney, but it's pretty amazing...and not in a good way! Lily...er...Lila was also completely unscathed and happy as a clam. Oh well...at least she got a lesson in how to play by herself for the next 30 minutes, and she actually liked the noise of the steam cleaner. Being a mommy sure keeps us on our toes, right?
why could this not have happened to Bogle??? I would have loved to read the updated version of the Hot Dog Manifesto, tailored to all babies that have and ever will be born. You know how much he doesn't like to be sticky.
Post a Comment